Happy Friday, my people. I haven’t been checking my emails, so I haven’t been answering questions. And not answering your questions makes me an asshole. I apologize.
Let’s get started.
This week I received a question that hit me right in the fucking head. Sometimes people have the tendency to consistently surround themselves with people that are takers; we often do this because we are givers and to us, giving is easier. Sometimes we’re lazy in our friendships and that results in turning regular people into incredible assholes.
Let’s solve this shit.
I’ll just get right to it, I’m afraid my friends are assholes. I feel like I’m always reaching out, making sure they’re okay, checking in on them when they’re sick, watching their pets, meeting their families, baking them goodies and listening to their problems, but when I need them they don’t seem to be around. Sure, they are around for the big events (weddings, deaths, etc.), but they don’t really interact with me on a daily basis. There is no check-in or “how are you today?” The only time I hear from them is when I just disconnect and they don’t hear from me for a week or so. or when they need advice or a favor.
Am I just being high-maintenance? Should I just be thankful for the friends that I have? Can I talk to them and ask for more?
Your friends are assholes. That’s it. Here’s the thing, you can’t change people. You just can’t. If being selfish is in their core, then that’s just who they are and, I know this may be hard, but it sounds like it’s time to move on.
The one thing I challenge you to do is to ask yourself, “did I create this?” As a self-proclaimed asshole lover, I have found that I often don’t talk about myself much to friends — I’m wicked guarded so friends have often stopped asking me about personal issues. I thrive when I take care of others and since most people are takers, they thrive on taking! So there is some culpability here, but it doesn’t make their behavior acceptable. You first need to tell them how you’re really feeling and give them the opportunity to make a change. Set the expectations for your friendships and if they don’t meet them, then move the fuck on.
Sometimes we outgrow relationships; as a grown ass woman I now understand that this life is short and we need to surround ourselves with people who are consistently kind and loving. Don’t waste your time on assholes just because you’re scared of not having any friends. Take charge and show yourself a little more self respect.